Dear Mary Angel,

I told Cristal about my lunch buddy last night. She wasn't angry-- probably because of how I presented LeNee, but she was jealous, as I knew she would be. You see, Cristal does love me, but she'll never marry me. She won't marry anyone-- she is the daughter her father raised. And while I can choose to lament the fact that twenty years have been wasted hoping for Cristal to see I am not her father, I am choosing instead to approach women who will accept me at face value... who will have lunch with me and share conversation without the baggage of 'dating.' Because I am NOT dating LeNee`. I made that clear at the outset when I asked her to lunch a couple of weeks ago.

I was nervous when I asked... BIG time, and I babbled a bit. I knew in my heart that I am very, VERY attracted to her, but I insisted I was not asking to date her... just lunch... for now, though I didn't actually say that. I'll know in time if she's even interested in dating. But for now, I don't have any friends to speak of, and I'm very interested in learning how to be a friend, and LeNee is just right for me in that respect. She's even interested in being my movie buddy. How cool is that? Too cool.

More to follow, I'm sure, but for now please take care. I hope all is well with you and yours.

Till next time, all my love,

Eric

Dearest Mary Angel,

It is hard not to think about her. It is hard to imagine I will soon be free to pursue anyone I wish. But knowing this make bitterness spread throughout my heart. I wish I had not run from you. I wish I had listened to you. I would not now be where I am. Perhaps I would be happier.

But I am where I am, and I have to make the best of what I have in the here and now. Whatever I do tomorrow it will be built upon what I've done and built for myself today. This has been a very hard lesson to learn, but I am better for it.

If I had time, I'd tell you more of what's happening here but... just know that I'm thinking about you.

Love

Eric

Dearest Mary Angel,

I've met someone new here in my self-imposed exile*. Someone with whom I never expected to have so much in common.

I met her in the course of my work; initially at the luncheon given in honor of a departing coworker. This new someone sat beside me and engaged me in conversation. And you know me, had she not I would've avoided any conversation at all. But she drew me out, asked me questions, and shared a dessert with me. She made me feel really good sitting beside her.

Since that day we have been together on a couple of shoots and I've had opportunity to talk with her more, and she has remained throughout just as delightful as that first lunch. I say first, because last week I approached her and confided that I was intrigued by her and that I would genuinely love to get to know her. Strictly as friends, I was quick to add, since I am not in a position to romantically chase anyone. On top of which, my confidence level is through the floor... but then it must not be too low since I had enough confidence to ask.

Lenee and I had lunch just the other day** at a buffet line. I'm slowly immersing myself into a new way of eating, so I ate light-- almost nothing compared to before, but just right considering what I'm working to achieve. For me, it was awkward conversation at first. I had been worried in the days between my invitation and that moment about sexual harassment. People have been fired at work for inquiring 'favors' or women, among other things-- just about anything can be construed as sexual harassment these days. I was worried more about what I said than any intent behind what I said, because I was not asking to date her. I thought perhaps I had come across to her as somewhat 'stalker-ish' since another thing I told her when asking to get to know her was, and I paraphrase, 'I can't get you out of my head.' So first thing I did was assure her that I was not trying to do anything other than acquire a new friend. And this, for now, is the absolute truth.

She assured me I had worried for nothing, and was happy to strike up a friendship, since she too was somewhat of a loner. After that my nervousness eased and I began to relax and enjoy once more the same kind of great conversation I had enjoyed since I first sat down beside her some three weeks before.

I discovered she's much like me. I explained my situation with Cristal, she explained a little about her ex. I spoke about how my past has informed the man I am today, and why I am the way I am in some respects. We spoke of hobbies, books, movies; you know, safe stuff. We like the same kind of movies, dislike the same kind of movies, and she even asked if I'd like to be her new movie-buddy since she had just lost her last one. Why would I not agree?

Before too long, and before I realized, it was time to leave-- her to clients and appointments, and I back to the virtual world of computer graphics. I genuinely enjoyed myself.

Later that afternoon she appeared in creative services where I and my two compatriots were talking. She walked in... and leaned against me. I didn't even feel awkward. It felt natural, and it was welcomed contact. After she got what she needed and left my partners were amazed that she just leaned up against me. 'You had lunch with her, didn't you!' one said. They, like you dearest Mary Angel, know how reserved I am. They were surprised that I had taken the monumental step of asking someone out.. something I haven't done in more than twenty years.

I look forward to further shoots, and further lunches with Lenee. I feel very comfortable around her, and I do want very much to get to know her. As I said, romance is not in the offing, and may never be... and I'm fine with that, because what I really want is a friend.

Does this mean I've matured?


Till next time, thank-you for listening.

With all my love,

Eric

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* I know I've used this line before, but in truth this 'exile' has become home, whether I intended it or not.

** Because I wish to remember the day, it was October 1st.