Dear Mary Angel

I've been silent for over a month now; a lot has been going on, and I've not been able to find time to write you. I have needed someone to whom I could hand this cup I'm carrying but time and work have given me little respite. Even now, stealing what little time I have (working on a Sunday... off the clock), I'm finding it difficult to express those things in need of a good saying.

I have never felt my job here at risk-- not in twelve years --but things have changed. I moved from Production to Creative Services to Sales in just under a year, and my move to Sales was not voluntary; either I moved or I would have been kicked to another area without regard to personal volition. I was told to look at this change as a good and beneficial move, one that would stead me good fortune in the long run. But I find I am in over my head in the deep end of the pool. It takes a lot for me to admit that.

I am one program short of sitting on easy street in this position but I have no time to learn it. And my home computer, once state of the art, will not even allow the program to install. So I have to spend weekends now, in my office, trying to catch up. And I honestly don't know if I can do it.

And I honestly question the necessity. Surely you watch the news! Surely, as devout a Catholic as you are, and considering your past understandings, can see where we are in terms of God's prophetic stop-watch. No one knows the day or hour, but we are told we can know when it is at the door. None of this worries me, really. I know who I am in him. But I can't shake the feeling that I should be doing something else.

Example: Here is what presently disturbs me.

This Wednesday past the General Manager and the entire sales team, myself included, presented an "opportunity" to local churches that would allow us to bring in some much needed cash in this cash-strapped economy. There we were asking churches to give us $100, $300 or $500 a month just to put there 'particulars' as well as their 2-minute videos on our website including a generous number of commercials on our three stations. I can see the value in what we were offering-- the $500 a month offer alone is worth $3300 a month --so they were very good deals, but... the term "filthy lucre" kept dancing through the fore of my thoughts. I know our station isn't really concerned about the state of anyone's soul. The churches MAY be, but our focus was money. As far as that goes, fine. I understand the business... accept it even. I just hated the idea that we were asking for money from churches.

I feel as though I am on the cusp of something... something life changing. I just hope I make the right decision when that moment strikes. In the meantime, I will study and pray, and trust in him as best I can... and let him do the rest. For I can do nothing that will benefit eternity unless he is in it.

I hope all is well with you and yours,

May God richly bless you all


Eric